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The Lesson

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Link To Me

by KJC





Daniel Jackson, O’Neill has said it would be best if I learn how to drive.”


“Oh?”  Daniel looked up from his desk which was covered with papers and books.  “Did he say why?”


Teal’c inclined his head.  O’Neill said that in the event of an emergency, I should know how to safely operate your Earth vehicles.”


Daniel raised his eyebrows in question.


“He would like you to teach me.”


“Um . . . now?”




“Okay . . .” Daniel started slowly, trying to stall for time as he thought about what to do.  “Uh, I guess we could use my car.  I don’t really have that much to do since we don’t have any missions for the next few days.”  He stood and fished around the papers for his keys, came in contact with them, then straightened and shuffled past Teal’c out the doorway.  “This might take about an hour.  You got an hour to spare?”


“I would not have come to you if I had not the time, Daniel Jackson.”




It took all of ten minutes to make it to the parking lot.  The elevator ride up to the surface of the mountain and the checkout point at the gate were the main causes of the time, but Daniel was used to it.  He had to go through it every day—except for when he was off planet, of course.


“Okay,” Daniel sighed as they reached his car.  “How am I going to do this?”


Teal’c stood silently behind him, arms behind his back.


“All right, how about this,” Daniel said, opening the driver’s side.  “We’ll start out with me driving, so you can watch me, and then once you know what to do, you can drive.”


Teal’c said nothing, but opened the front passenger door and slid into his seat.


“Okay, the first thing you always do when you get in a car is buckle your seat belt,” Daniel said, showing Teal’c the seat belt and then fastening it.  He motioned for Teal’c to do likewise, and then pulled his keys out of his pocket.


“Next, you check your mirrors and make sure that you can see everything behind you and around you, and then you can put the keys in the ignition.”


He jammed the key into the ignition while Teal’c looked on, and then said, “Now you have to be really careful when you do this because if you turn it for too long, you could flood the ignition or something like that.  I don’t know that much about cars, so . . . um.  Yeah.”  He turned the key and the engine roared to life.  “As soon as you hear the engine catch, let go of the key, and it will lock in place.  Are you with me so far?”


“I am right here, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c responded.


“So anyways,” Daniel continued, “You have to shift the car into gear in order to make it go forwards or backwards.  Thank goodness this isn’t a stick shift.  All you need to worry about is the “P,” which means “park,” or “stop,” the “D,” which means “drive,” and the “R,” which means “reverse,” or “go backwards.”  You always have to put your foot on the brake pedal—which is the pedal on the floor to the left—when you shift, or else you could make the engine stall.”


Daniel shifted to reverse, backed out of his parking spot, and drove his car out of the parking garage, waving at the Air Force guards at the gate.  Unfortunately, he had always driven with two hands firmly on the wheel and had never taken one of them off before.  It caused him to swerve the car sharply to the side in order to avoid the guard and the gate he now suddenly seemed to be aiming for.  Nervously, he glanced over his shoulder at the guard who stood white faced at the gate, glaring at Daniel.


“Uh, don’t do that,” Daniel advised Teal’c.


“I will not.”  Teal’c attempted to relax.  Unfortunately, although he realized Daniel possessed an enormous amount of information on cars, he also realized that Daniel was not a very good driver.


They careened down the mountainside with Daniel hardly pressing his brake.  He explained to Teal’c that he did not want to cause the tires and the axles to heat up, but Teal’c had a feeling that he could have put the brake on more than what he was doing.


Once they reached a small town, Daniel proceeded to put Teal’c through the paces of driving in a city.  He came to screeching halts at stop signs, and blazed through several red lights that Teal’c had a feeling you were not supposed to go through.  After one red light, as Daniel was explaining another aspect of driving to Teal’c, the Jaffa noticed strange lights flashing behind them.


Daniel Jackson, we are being followed,” he stated.


Daniel checked his mirrors and then groaned.  “Crap.  It’s a police car.”


Teal’c raised an eyebrow.


“I’m supposed to pull over and he’s probably going to give me a ticket for something,” Daniel explained, pulling the car over to the side of the road.


The police car pulled up a short distance behind them, and the policeman approached, asking for Daniel’s license and insurance.


“Sir, did you know that you went through two red lights in a row back there?” the policeman asked.


“Uh, no, not really,” Daniel answered truthfully.


“He did indeed pass through two of the red lights,” Teal’c said.


Daniel glared at him and the policeman started writing on a piece of paper.  “Make sure you pay this fine as soon as possible,” the policeman said.  “Have a nice day.”


After the policeman drove off, Daniel looked at Teal’c and said, “Thanks a lot.”


Teal’c tilted his head in a silent inquiry.


“Don’t tell a policeman what you’ve done wrong, or else you’re guaranteed a ticket.”


“I was only stating the truth,” Teal’c replied.


“Well, you don’t have to state the truth,” Daniel muttered.  “Just don’t say anything next time.”  He reached to turn the key, then paused.  “All right.  It’s your turn to drive.  Let’s see how you do.”


He and Teal’c changed places, then Daniel asked, “Okay, what’s the first thing you do?”


Teal’c fastened his seat belt, adjusted his mirrors, then activated the car’s engine with a smooth turn of the key.


“Right . . .” Daniel said slowly.  “Do you think you can get us back to Cheyenne Mountain?”


“I believe so.”


Teal’c shifted the car to “drive,” then drove at exactly the speed limit back out of town and up the mountain.  He drove as though he had been driving all of his life.


Daniel felt miffed.  Teal’c, how come you didn’t tell me you knew how to drive?”


“I have never driven a car before, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c replied.  “Compared to a Goa’uld mothership, it is quite easy.”


They got out of the car at the entrance to SGC, and Daniel said, “Well, to legally drive, you need a driver’s license.  You’ll need to talk with Sam about getting a birth certificate so you can do your test.  I think in about a month or so, you’ll be ready.  Let me know when you want me to drive with you again.”


The archaeologist walked off to the elevator, and Teal’c watched for a moment, thinking, then turned to follow him.


Two days later, Jack sauntered into Daniel’s office.


“Hey, Daniel,” he said, punching the archaeologist on the shoulder.  “I hear you’re a pretty good teacher.”


“What?”  Daniel looked up at the Colonel with a confused look on his face.


Teal’c got himself a license.  The driving instructor said he’d never given anyone a perfect score on a driving test before, but Teal’c didn’t get a mark against him.”


“He took his test already?”


“Yeah.  Why?”


“I only taught him to drive two days ago, and we didn’t even go over parallel parking yet!” Daniel protested.


“Well, I guess he’s just a fast learner.  I hear he borrowed your car, too.”


Jack held back a laugh as he left Daniel sitting in his office with his mouth open in shock.