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The Mint Bust

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Link To Me

by KJC

August 8, 2004



There was no way my plan could fail.  It was foolproof.


I got the idea when I toured Dallas’ U.S. Bureau of Printing and Engraving.  It’s totally run by machines now, with only one human supervisor.  Even the tour guide was a robot.


First off, you need to know that I am a robot programmer, with a black market background in computer hacking.  I wrote the algorithms for many robots, but I never worked on government robots before.  From what I could tell from the tour, they were pretty simple.  The government, of course, put in fail safes so no one could override one of the robots and steal money, but they were only codes to be broken.


No, it was too simple.  It was too easy.


Since the last war, the government hasn’t produced anything over a fifty dollar bill.  Costs of things have gone down.  Some say that we’re heading into another Depression.  Well, I’m prepared this time.


I planned to hack into one of the robot’s systems and program it to steal some money for me.  Fifties are made on 8x8 sheets of paper.  That’s sixty-four fifty dollar bills, which equals $3200 per sheet.  A stack of sheets could equal well over a million.


The problem is, the robots are stationary, so I needed to get in there and pull the money out myself.


It took me a few months to hack into one of the robot’s systems.  I have to admit those government guys were good when they programmed those things.  The codes they used were the most complex I have ever seen, but then, they don’t call me the best hacker in the world for nothing.


After I cracked the codes, I set about getting into the building.  There are highly advanced scanners that go over you when you enter the building and when you leave.  Once you enter, you must stand in a bullet proof chamber and endure more scanning.  Those things are much more than the primitive metal scanners people used to use at the airports.  These things can scan for metal and anything that even slightly resembles a weapon, so I had another problem I needed to fix, because I needed to smuggle a weapon in there—just in case.


I fixed myself up a hard plastic gun.  It would only work once before the muzzle melted, so I had one shot.  It was the best I could do.  I took it apart and it ended up in pretty tiny pieces, so I hid those all over my body.


On the big day, everything went smoothly.  I went through the scanners with no problem.  After sidestepping the obnoxious tour guide, I made my way to the robot I had hacked into.


It was a loading robot, with no resemblance to human form.  It had a large, bulky, squarish body, and was painted bright yellow.  I saw on a panel next to its serial number someone had painted the name “Spot.”  I grinned.  He wasn’t going to even know what hit him.


I had a blueprint of the building with me, and I followed its instructions down to the loading area near Spot, hiding from view behind the massive crates holding all of that precious money.  So far, my plan was still perfect.


The scanners hadn’t detected the small computer I had smuggled in either.  I had dismantled that before entering the building, and I now took it out and reassembled it, entering in the code to gain access to Spot’s system.


Spot responded immediately, opening up a smaller case and filling it with those fifty dollar bills.  It was a beautiful thing to see.


“Thanks, Spot,” I said, slapping the robot on one of its yellow panels.  I took the case and looked inside.  It was filled almost to overflowing with fifty dollar bills.  Over sixteen million dollars in there.


It truly was a foolproof plan.  No one caught me as I slipped out one of the old employee entrance doors.  I really almost couldn’t believe my luck.


Today, I am one of the richest men alive in the black market, thanks to the government.  I even helped them out a little bit.  After they discovered they had been robbed of over sixteen million dollars, they beefed up their security quite a bit.  I doubt even I could break back in there again.  They now have heat seeking detectors that search for the exact temperature of a human body in places where humans aren’t supposed to be.  They doubled their coding for the robots, and I found out they even trashed Spot, the robot I had hacked into, because they were afraid if one person could do it, someone else might be able to hack into that poor thing.  I even heard that they’re thinking about not letting anyone tour the factory unless they strip and put on special uniforms—just for a tour!  It’s amazing what a little break-in can do.


Well, that is my cataloging of the events that transpired.  Now you know why security in the government has changed, and now you know why I am one of the most valuable men in the black market today.  I did it all on my own.  No outside help whatsoever.  Now I think that’s a great accomplishment.